Tell Me You'll Need Me This Year Too
by aki.ari
Summary: Secret Santa - AU - As far as first Christmas's go, theirs was definitely not your standard fare. Yullen
1. Tell Me You'll Need Me This Year Too

**Tell Me You'll Need Me This Year Too**

Bells, bows, lights, and garlands of fake greenery. It was that time of year again. Christmas was a time for friends and family. For celebration. Or at least that's what was metaphorically plastered everywhere in the weeks leading up to it. Despite being a fairly ostentatious affair, it never failed to look at least somewhat inviting.

Allen liked the idea of Christmas. He really did. A nice dinner with the people you love, wrapping presents and decorating a tree with lights, tinsel and those fragile little baubles painted with wintry scenes. It all conjured a most beautiful picture that he'd once longed to see himself in – after all, a child alone with nowhere to go and no one to care for his presence had little precious else to do but dream about better things – and Christmas seemed about as good as it got.

Mana had been the first to ever give him a Christmas, had made the event special with the birthday he now owned in all his bitterness and pride. December 25th during those years with Mana had meant a messily iced lopsided cake, a single candle and some seriously off tune birthday serenades from the old man. The thought of it turned a fond smile on Allen's lips. As great memories as they were, those times had been few and Allen had lost any interest in celebrating during the annual festivities. Truth be told, despite his ever cheery disposition, the winter months in general filled him with nothing but regret. And the snow that everyone was so eager to see conjured nothing but bad memories for him.

xXx

"You mean you don't have any plans for Christmas yet? Seriously," Lavi said leaning forward, palms planted flush on the table.

"It's nothing special. We never do anything for Christmas, I don't know why you're so surprised," Allen shrugged, bringing his tea cup to his lips largely unconcerned with the issue Lavi had raised.

"Yeah but that's just the thing, I have no idea why you never do anything! I mean it's your birthday too right, so there should be cake and streamers and celebration! And you totally snuck out on the one Lenalee organized for you last year."

An accusatory finger was pointed Allen's way, Lavi's green eyes sparkling with curiosity and dissatisfaction.

"I appreciate the thought, but it's not necessary to do all that Lavi," Allen insisted resting a placating hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Well what about Kanda?" Lavi sighed, flopping carelessly back in his chair, arms folded across his chest, making it clear he hadn't yet let the issue drop.

"What about Kanda?" Allen frowned, shifting his cup from side to side, watching the dark liquid slosh against the white porcelain.

"You two are dating now! Next to Valentine's, Christmas is the second biggest day for couples."

Allen blinked. He'd never really thought of it that way, but he couldn't exactly see himself or Kanda doing the typical Christmas date thing – strolling through the lit up streets, having a fancy dinner out then buying a cake and heading back home to cuddle and kiss, and being all hopped up on the romantic atmosphere engage in some sensual body worship before bed. If anything, Allen saw a Christmas spent with Kanda, to be just like any other day they got together. Which all be told was rarely ever eventful – provided one didn't consider near incessant bickering that ended with a rather rough tumble on the sheets at one of their apartments eventful. Sure there was the occasional movie that they'd both be dragged to by Lavi, and lunch together at Jerry's when time permitted, but as far as Allen was concerned, a date was likely beyond their capabilities as people.

"Just because we're together doesn't mean we have to do the couple thing."

"What are you saying Allen, being together already means that you're doing _the couple_ thing."

Allen took another sip of his tea, trying not laugh at just how invested Lavi seemed to be in this. It really was endearing, and he was thankful for the kind friends he had.

"I don't think you're quite understanding what this whole things is about, so I'm going to explain it to you properly."

At this Allen's brows raised in interest.

"Oh? Do tell," Allen said leaning elbows on the table and propping his chin atop laced fingers to give Lavi his undivided attention.

"Holidays mean something different for everyone, but it's a time to show your loved ones you care. Sure the parties and the idea of a jolly fat man breaking into your house to leave presents is fun, but that's not what it has to be. I'm not saying you guys have to go out to look at lights displays or buy expensive presents that completely suck and you have to take back to the store to exchange anyway. Christmas and birthdays are special times during the year when people express just how thankful they are to have you in their lives. Thank you for being here with me this year, won't you permit me to stay beside you for this new one, and all those after that."

Allen's eyes widened, Lavi's speech actually having struck a chord with him.

"You can keep skipping out on these things, saying they're not important, but these are precious memories that you're missing out on. Ones that I'm sure you'd regret not making. Spend the evening with Kanda. You don't have to do anything crazy, but at the very least you shouldn't be alone on Christmas when there are so many people who adore you and want to spend it with you."

People who adore him? Who want to spend such a "special" day with him? Allen almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it sounded. But rather than amusement, it was a bitter sort of chortle that bubbled up.

"Kanda… Kanda's never expressed any interest in spending Christmas with me, Lavi."

"Sorry Allen, but Yuu is a bit slow with these things," Lavi said, brows creasing sympathetically. "He probably just doesn't get it. But I'm sure if you ask, he won't turn you down."

Allen nodded, leaning back in his seat, hands curling around his now empty cup. It wasn't like he didn't want to spend more time with Kanda, but he was always the one arranging things – finding out Kanda's schedule to be able to meet up with him, calling him up on his days off. Sure Kanda never said no, but sometimes Allen felt like he was the only one who wanted to be in this relationship, the only one who cared if they ever saw each other. Sure Kanda was slow with these things, but didn't he want to see him at all? If a month went by without Allen ever calling would he come looking?

It wasn't beyond Allen to say that he needed Kanda, he wasn't so proud as to have difficulty admitting such a thing. When you're in love, you're supposed to want to see each other, to be with each other all the time. Was it that Kanda just didn't love him?

xXx

"Hey Kanda."

It was one of those days the two had found a time to stop by Jerry's together. Allen had been thinking a lot since his talk with Lavi, and the 24th was just a few days away.

"Hmm?"

Kanda acknowledged without looking up, soba poised between his chopsticks.

"Would you celebrate Christmas with me this year?"

Allen watched the almost comical way Kanda stopped mid motion, eyes narrowing as he met his gaze. He really did care about Kanda more than he'd ever thought possible – so much so that it scared him at times – and if Christmas was a time to thank people for being there for you, to show how much you appreciate them, Allen wanted to make sure Kanda understood at the very least that he needed him and wanted him in his life now and for the years that followed.

"Celebrate?"

Though expressive, Allen was a difficult read, and Kanda found himself always trying to figure out what he was thinking behind that smile of his. He grimaced internally at the thought he was missing something again – he'd already been scolded on more than one occasion by Lenalee for missing out on something important and inadvertently causing Allen to feel insecure or upset. Allen never admitted it even when asked, playing it off like a misunderstanding, but they'd known each other for many years before they'd started dating, and Kanda had become more adept at noticing the chinks in Allen's composure when his mood was off.

"Yeah, like cake and a tree or something."

"We haven't before, so why now? What's this about?"

It was clear to Kanda, by the way Allen was fidgeting with the hem of his sleeves that there was something more behind this request than just a sudden hankering for cake. What it was exactly though, he had no clue.

"Ah it's nothing, I just felt like I wanted to do something for it and I want you to be there with me."

Flustered, Allen shifted his gaze awkwardly to the side, looking at anything but Kanda.

"Well I don't mind, what do you want me to do?" Kanda said, sighing at his inability to figure out Allen's intentions. Unfortunately for Kanda, Allen took the sigh as a sign of exasperation – becoming increasingly worried that Kanda found this all too just be an unpleasant obligation.

"You don't have to worry about anything, just leave it to me. You usually visit with Tiedoll in the morning right, so you can come to my place around six?"

"Alright, are you sure you don't need me to bring anything?"

"No, don't bother yourself, you just have to show up," Allen smiled, standing and leaving a couple bills on the table to cover his part of the meal. "I have to get back to work, I'll see you on the 24th Kanda."

And with that Allen was rushing out leaving Kanda to mull over the past few minutes. He had to say, Allen's wording didn't quite sit right with him – as annoying as he could be, doing things for and with Allen was never a bother. He liked the little idiot after all, it would take a hell of a lot to cause him enough trouble that he'd feel bothered by anything regarding Allen.

xXx

December 24th rolled around in no time and Allen had somehow managed to get a tree up with minimal damage to his person, and had bought a cake after several failed attempts at making one himself. Cooking was relatively easy, ask him to make fried rice or stew and he could do it no problem – it wouldn't be as good as Jerry's, but it was at least edible. Baking on the other hand was another story altogether. He thought it'd be easy since he'd once part-timed in a bakery that had a modest pastries section, and had helped prep some of the things in the morning. How wrong he had been. Turns out there was more to it than just following the recipe…

He was pretty satisfied with his last minute decorations. He knew Lavi had said he didn't need to go all out, but in so much as he was doing this, he thought why not. The soft glow of the tree lights was pleasant to look at, and he was sure Kanda wouldn't be as put off by it, as he seemed to be by the obnoxiously extravagant displays everywhere. All that was left was to wait for Kanda.

The phone started ringing, startling Allen from his appraisal of the tree. Kanda's number on the caller ID.

"Kanda?"

"Yeah, listen Moyashi, I can't come over later."

"Huh? Why? What's wrong?"

Allen's mood faltered for only a moment before the concern kicked in. It wasn't like Kanda to cancel on him, and his voice sounded a bit off – a bit huskier, more tired.

"Tch got sick."

Kanda grunted, clearly displeased with the development.

"Sick? You never get sick."

"Apparently I already had a bit of a fever this morning while I was at the old man's place. He went and made a big deal of it and all. Though I did manage to get out of spending the night over there."

Allen shook his head, trust Kanda to not know he's sick.

"Okay, so you're back at your place now? I'll be there in a bit," Allen said already unplugging the tree and heading for his coat.

"No you don't have to come," Kanda said, coughing at the prolonged use of his vocal chords.

"What are you talking about, you're sick and alone at home," Allen said, brows furrowed and lips pursed in a pout that Kanda couldn't see. "Of course I'm coming."

"I don't need you idiot. I'm not that sick."

That hurt. Allen was silent for a moment, mind echoing with Kanda's voice saying _I don't need you._ He knew Kanda didn't mean anything by it, but Allen couldn't supress the anxiety churning within him.

"But Kanda-"

"I'll make it up to you some other time."

He truly did sound apologetic. Tired, frustrated, maybe even a bit disappointed.

"I don't care about that," Allen said firmly. "I'm coming over."

xXx

"Here say ahh," Allen said, deviously pleased smile stretching across his lips as he held a spoon up to Kanda's lips.

"Do you want to die?"

Kanda didn't know how things had come to this, but Allen was clearly having way too much fun at his expense. He'd shown up not long after their phone call, and had instantly ushered Kanda to bed then made himself at home in the kitchen after asking some routine questions about his diet for the day. It was strange how composed Allen was about it all, seeming well versed in caring for sick people – it was actually kind of reassuring. But Kanda did not appreciate the childish treatment and turned his most menacing glare on Allen.

"What's wrong? I know it's not soba, but Lenalee always has congee when she's sick. It's nutritious and easy to digest, so you should have some in so much as I made it."

"Tch fine, but I can eat by myself," Kanda muttered irritably as his glare shifted to the spoon hovering in front of him.

"No! A sick person should just sit there and do as they're told!" Allen chirped as he lifted the spoon once again. "Come on, say-"

"Just shut up and I'll eat it!"

Kanda gritted his teeth as he shot Allen another displeased glare before leaning in the remaining distance and opening his mouth to accept the offered food.

"You look genuinely happy," Kanda said after swallowing the mushy porridge-like substance that Allen had concocted.

"You can tell?" Allen's expression softened. "Well, it's such a rare chance. It's sort of nice to be able to take care of you."

"Baka Moyashi, it's only a slight fever. I don't need you to take care of me."

There it was again. Allen's eyes widened marginally, expression falling ever the slightest. Despite his hazed senses Kanda immediately noted the shift in atmosphere around Allen.

"Don't say that, ok?"

Kanda's brows furrowed, lips turning down at the somber tone.

"When you said you were sick, I was really surprised… I don't know why, but I'd convinced myself you were impervious to sickness and stuff."

"Alle-"

"Ah, time for your medicine," Allen announced as he shook a pill from the bottle of fever meds.

"Tch, I don't need that shit," Kanda huffed turning his head stubbornly.

Silver irises glinted mischievously, a cunning little half smirk turning the corner of Allen's lips. Undeterred he lifted the edge of the sheets, crawling under them before Kanda could protest.

"What are you-"

Kanda's eyes widened in shock, hands darting down to push the snowy haired male away as he felt lips press against his skin, just above the hem of his pants.

"Fuck, stop that!" Kanda hissed as his pants were slid over his hips and he felt that torturous mouth encircle his length. He didn't know if he was just oversensitive from the fever, but his head snapped back, head swimming as Allen licked and sucked him to hardness.

"Hmmm," Allen hummed softly as he leisurely swallowed around the growing arousal, one hand planted against Kanda's thigh, the other gently squeezing and rolling Kanda's balls between slender fingers.

"B-baka..." Kanda gasped breathlessly. "S-stop that."

"Mmm not shtopping," Allen mumbled around Kanda's length, idly wondering if he was going to get it later for what he was about to do. Pulling back he pumped Kanda with one hand while sucking on his own fingers.

"M-moyashi," Kanda grunted, hating how drained he felt. About to voice another futile protest his voice caught in his throat in shock and discomfort as a finger pushed its way into his ass.

"Whaah! So hot… that's right you have a fever!" Allen exclaimed, finger wiggling and pushing deeper.

"Just what the fuck, do you think you're doing?!" Kanda cursed hitting Allen's head through the sheets until the finger was removed – his anal muscles contracting at the strange sensation.

"Oww, what the heck, Kanda," Allen groaned, rubbing his head as he lifted the edge of the sheets, meeting Kanda's unamused glare. Silver eyes widened as Allen took in the flush on Kanda's face, momentarily wondering if that was how he looked when Kanda fingered him.

"What was that about?"

"I read somewhere that the membrane is thinnest in the anal passage so if I were going to get you to take your meds forcefully the easiest way would be…well, you know… And you did say no."

The red on Kanda's face darkened as his eyes narrowed, glinting with a homicidal rage.

"Come on, at least let me take care of you, now that you're so turned on."

"You damn brat," Kanda seethed as Allen leaned over, the sheet once again hiding him from view. Kanda grunted as Allen's mouth once again encircled his length, tongue massaging slowly around the tip. Kanda's cock jerked as Allen began to moan, guessing that Allen had a hand down his own pants as well.

Pulling off just as Kanda was reaching his peak, Allen lifted the sheets, gasping open-mouthed for air, not having anticipated how suffocating it could be giving head under a sheet. Kanda noted the pink flush on Allen's pale skin and the precum staining his lips. He'd seen Allen like that before, but for some reason the heavy rise and fall of his chest and the slowly receding dilation of his eyes were somehow more enticing than normal.

"Hey Kanda."

"Hmm?"

"Don't say you don't need me anymore, okay?" Allen said, panting softly as he shuffled out of his slacks and boxers, the barest lilt of a smile upon his lips and pleading in his eyes.

 _Don't need him?_ Kanda's hazy mind echoed in confusion? Had he really gone and made Allen feel like he didn't need him? Was that what the whole Christmas thing was about too? Of course he needed that idiot, sure he didn't really _need_ Allen to come take care of him, but it wasn't like he didn't need him at all. Before Kanda could say anything, Allen gently gripped Kanda's throbbing length again, pumping slowly a couple times before lining it up with his ass. A frown pulled at Kanda's lips as he fisted the front of Allen's shirt and tugged him forward into a kiss just as the boy slid onto him.

Silver eyes widened momentarily before closing, reveling in the feel of Kanda's warm lips against his. Leaning back and breaking the kiss, Allen stared down at Kanda, whose expression was the most conflicted he'd seen.

"Kanda?"

"I'm sorry."

A calloused hand, gingerly caressed Allen's cheek, cobalt gaze warm and affectionate.

"Ka-"

"Thanks for coming over today."

Tears beaded in the corner of Allen's eyes. Relief. So much relief. A sweet genuine smile stretched Allen's lips as he nodded, placing his hands on Kanda's stomach to support himself as he began rocking on his length, Kanda's skin especially hot against his.

xXx

"You know this isn't exactly what I had planned for our first Christmas together," Allen said snuggling closer to Kanda, eyelids heavy with fatigue.

"Tch, baka Moyashi, just shut up and go to sleep," Kanda drawled, eyes already closed, arm tightening possessively around Allen's waist.

"Mmhmm."

It wasn't a conventional Christmas Eve by any means, but it surely was as close to perfection as was possible for them – especially given that nothing at all had gone the way it had been meant to.

 _End_

* * *

A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! (Or Merry Christmas Eve as the case may be? It's only 5 am on the 24th where I am right now so I don't know what I'm supposed to say exactly...) This is my first time ever doing a secret santa~ I hope the receiver likes it! I have some extra material of the two on Christmas morning that I wrote while drafting, so I'll be posting that as a small bonus chapter a little later, after cleaning it up a bit.

And clearly I didn't get the third yullentide prompt done on time, and we're already into the fourth. I'm going to try to catch up, but I'm getting dragged out of the city in a few hours and won't be back home until sometime on the 26th, so I don't know if I'll even have internet access to post anything over the next couple days. If anything hopefully I'll at least have the energy to write so I can post when I get back.

As always thanks for reading, all comments are very much welcomed and appreciated :)


	2. Omake

**Omake**

"Why are you up so early?" Kanda groaned irritably rolling to the side to get the light out of his eyes from the darn curtain he'd neglected to fully close the day before.

"I don't have a fever…" Allen muttered somewhat dejectedly. "I thought I'd have caught your cold."

"Why the heck do you sound sad about that?"

"Because they say if you give your cold to someone else you get better," Allen said lips drawing into a pout, nuzzling into the crook of Kanda's arm for warmth. "If you gave it to me, you'd be better now."

"Tch you won't catch my cold," Kanda scoffed, arm curling leisurely around Allen's shoulders.

"Why is that?"

"Because you're an idiot."

"Oh yeah! You're probably hungry right? What do you want to eat?" Allen said ignoring the jab and slipping from the bed, shuddering as his feet touched the cool laminate floors.

"You should go back, it would be bad if you actually did get sick," Kanda said, pushing into a sitting position. All joking aside he really didn't want Allen to actually get sick. He'd seen Allen sick before, several times in fact, and it left a nasty helplessness in his stomach every time. He wouldn't be able to eat, had thrown up everything he tried to take… Kanda didn't know how it was possible for skin as white as Allen's to become even more pallor from illness.

"I don't want to."

That stubborn pout. So stupidly endearing, Kanda could never win against that look. Cobalt irises regarded the pale figure that was his boyfriend with amused affection. It really was nice to have Allen around. Kanda idly wondered when it was he'd found himself so entrenched in these feelings.

"There are some pears in the kitchen, the old man gave them to me… they're not too bad."

A small lopsided smirk graced Allen's features as he located said fruit, beginning to peel them. It was truly amusing to him, just how dorkily charming Kanda was when he wasn't being completely honest.

"You're pretty convenient aren't you? Not worried I'll never get better?"

"That's okay, in as much as I'd hate for you to be sick and therefore suffering forever, I don't mind taking care of you," Allen countered without any hesitation.

"Hmph," Kanda harrumphed as he leaned back against the headboard.

"Really though, even if you're bed ridden, or had some kind of incurable disease, I will always-"

"Quit it will you! Don't think about that kind of thing."

"BaKanda, you don't have to be so serious about it," Allen said, walking over with a plate of neatly cut pear wedges.

"Do you really think I'd like the thought of being bed ridden with some kind of incurable disease? Even with someone as dependable as you by my side."

Allen visibly brightened, the faintest hint of red coloring his cheeks.

"Pears! I uh, forgot a fork." Allen flustered, rushing back over to the kitchen, hiding his face in his hands while attempting to regain his composure. Kanda had really taken him by surprise with that candid concession. He was positively overflowing with happiness, and getting that worked up over a couple words was so incredibly embarrassing.

Kanda wasn't much for the whole pampered in bed sick person thing, but as he observed Allen, and the way such a small thing could make him happy, Kanda found himself wanting to see more of those sweetly embarrassed expressions – even if it meant showing some of his own.

"Feed me."

Allen's head shot up, looking back to where Kanda was gazing in the opposite direction, red suffusing across his cheeks to his ears. Chest tightening with warmth, Allen shook his head as he fetched the required utensil and returned to sitting at the edge of the bed. Spearing a slice of pear, Allen hesitantly held it up for Kanda, wondering for a moment when Kanda didn't immediately take it that he'd imagined what he'd heard – which ironically was more likely than Kanda actually having said it. But sure enough, Kanda accepted the fruit.

"Aren't you having any?" Kanda asked after a few moments of silence had passed between them, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes – gone unnoticed to Allen.

"Ah, sure," Allen said, gaze dropping to the plate. In the brief moment Allen had taken his eyes off of Kanda, the navy haired male had leaned over and captured his lips in a kiss, the sweetness of the pear clinging to his mouth. Eyes widening, brows arching and a bright flush blooming on Allen's cheeks to match the one Kanda had been sporting earlier as he felt a section of fruit pass between their lips to lay on his tongue.

Kanda pulled away, a self-satisfied smirk on his face as Allen swallowed.

"Merry Christmas Baka Moyashi," Kanda said when Allen remained frozen in disbelief.

"Merry… Huh? A half-eaten slice of pear is my Christmas present?"

Rumbles of laughter shook Kanda's form, transitioning into a slight coughing fit – Allen tripping over himself to get water.

"It's okay. It's okay, I'm fine," Kanda said when Allen remained on edge.

Shaking his head Allen crawled back on the bed with Kanda, arms wrapping needily around his torso.

"Allen?"

A kiss pressed against Kanda's neck. Another a little higher. And Another.

"Allen," Kanda frowned, taking Allen's chin between thumb and forefinger to draw his gaze.

"Give it to me Kanda. Your cold… I take it back, I don't want to take care of you, I just want you better."

"Tch talking like that. You definitely won't get it, since morons don't get sick," Kanda said, though it had less bite than intended, coming out more of a heavy exhale, the fatigue weighing on him again as he carded his fingers through Allen's hair.

"Then, I won't stop until I catch it."

Another kiss.

"Horny brat," Kanda muttered, hands falling to the side.

"I thought you'd find it touching," Allen said cheekily, though his expression was more concerned than playful.

"How twisted do you think I am to find something like that touching?"

"Aww, won't you share this with me, Kanda?" Allen said, voice lulling to a whisper as he sat up on his knees, cupping Kanda's cheeks in his hands. "Even just half, won't you let me share your burden?"

"I'll never pass it to you," Kanda said looking up into those mesmerizingly haunted silver eyes. "But I won't tell you to leave anymore. Stay here with me. Always."

 _End_

* * *

A/N: Hums awkwardly as I leave this here. No excuses, I'm just feeling a bit sappy sitting here next to this pretty tree in the hotel lobby at 1 a.m. on Christmas morning.

As always thanks for reading, all comments are very much welcomed and appreciated :)


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